actually, I'm a sock model
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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