Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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