ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
