She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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