just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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