True but thats because hes a fetus.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
