Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
