You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
