she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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