wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I supernannyed him into submission
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
