i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I didn't notice because vodka
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
