to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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