Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she pinky promised me she was 18
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
