Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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