Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
