Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
