Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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