have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
