No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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