so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
