I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
