And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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