Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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