he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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