sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
