So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
