i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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