i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
