yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
