The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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