My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
