he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
