So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
