i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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