i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
