i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
