"it" just moved
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
