You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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