I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
