My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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