i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
