Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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