I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
