oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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