Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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