Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
