I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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