It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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