I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
