What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
