i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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